He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
