you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize