During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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