She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
