I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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