Don't you send me to vm
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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