I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
