I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
