I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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