so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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