hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
