Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
