they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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