this beer tastes like vomit already
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
