3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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