It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
