He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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