I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize