Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize