that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
