what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
