you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
