we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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