yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
