Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
