I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
