I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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