Girls should come with a carfax report
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
