It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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