I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
