we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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