Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
