Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
