Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
