member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
