he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
