I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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