This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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