he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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