woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
vagina is talking i cant
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
