Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
