we made out on top of his cat.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
