you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize