Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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