He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
