I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He passed out mid-signature
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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