Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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