drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
