Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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