Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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