let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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