your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
