I CAN MOONWALK!
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
