wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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