Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
They took my balls.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
All I want is dick and wine.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
