Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
