You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
