i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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