Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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