I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Damn victory sex feels great
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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