I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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