Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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