You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
