i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i think my cat just said my name.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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