apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
