I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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