Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
