dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
