I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
